i watch myself live life on my own. i am independent, i am strong, i am mobile. i have explored parts of the world some adults will never see (you see how i did not include myself as an adult?!) i have lots of fears about family and marriage, and now add children to the mix. my eyes have become open to so many realities that make me wonder. can i do this?
it is truly a miracle, the gift of love, the gift of life. and i do still see it all as a gift, even though it is completely challenging and strange. conception, a mistery. birth, a miracle. training, impossible. and yet here i am. my mom and dad successfully raised two adults who are, i mean, basically amazing! :) and how that happened i'm completely unsure.
i don't want to be scared to have a husband and children but i am. this was the very thing i didn't want to happen as i was growing up. i was so determined to get married early so i would never be one of those people who were stuck in their ways when they got married (like my dad :)) but, that didn't happen. i wasn't ready for it those years earlier when i had the chance to make a silly decision to marry someone who didn't know what love really was. but do we ever know what love truly is until we learn to have it for others?
i keep thinking of how these things are all too big for me. i can't figure it out although i would like to. so i put this on the list of things that god will have to do for me, along with all those other things on that very long list. i think we want to understand the unknown, but we can't. i can't at least. and i have to be okay with that.
3 comments:
You're going to be a great mother, Momma Meggers:)!!! I love reading your thoughts!!
So I am silently stalking you, as you said I should do more often. Catching up on the posts I have missed.
I laughed at this one Meg. I thought, "Silly silly Megan." Do you honestly think you are old? 26? Really? If being set in your ways means that you are determined, then you were set in your ways when I met you at 20.
You don't need people to tell you that you would be a great mom..because YOU KNOW!
You can't start to worry about this stuff, because you'll make me start to worry. And there isn't a reason to. When we were in college together, I was flabbergasted that everyone we knew found the love of their lives at EXACTLY the same time. Or so it seemed. But then I started to think, "What if they are settling because they are impatient and they think it is what they are supposed to do?" In my life, I have only encountered a few truly AMAZING couples. And I'm not talking about people, I'm talking about COUPLES. The relationships that are so multi-faceted that anyone can't help but watch. Not only do they serve a purpose for each other, but their union serves a purpose to help others. And I know THAT is what you want. And you can't rush that.
Also, God didn't intend singleness to be the less exciting alternative. Think of all of the great things you have been able to do in the last year! You are growing so much!
BE PATIENT!
To know know know you is to love love love you!
April,
That was well said...I got choked up reading it...thank you for your words.
Megan's Mom
Post a Comment