taking care

i'm beginning to see a trend in my life, a pathway of sorts lined with people in need, lonely people, disabled people, dysfunctional people, dying people...and they've asked me to care for them. i guess it never really struck me until this week, finishing up a week long nannying session for twin 6 year olds, one boy, one girl, whose parents were dealing with some...thangs.... i started to think back to the many random caretaker experiences i've had, even this past year filled with house-sitting and dog-sitting.

i like it. it's strange, these brief spaces of time that you are allowed into the world of a person or family, to fill a need or just to comfort a hurt, and then it's over, and they move on...i've walked away from these experiences thinking, "well, another strange adventure" or "why would God ask me to do this?" i remember one time fearing that God had called me to care for the dying, because many of the elderly women i was spending time with seemed to be passing on.

i haven't processed through all of this, but it has been food for my thoughts, what does it mean to be called to take care? i'm glad that he has allowed me to have so many of these experiences. my life is fuller because of them.

some fun things to recap on from my most previous adventure with the kiddos -

their conversation about what it means to be good: "so, no butt biting or butt slapping?"
"megan, we're having an amazing time!" who says this at age 6?
we had a dance party complete with sweet moves from b. and k. who broke it on down!
we also had a fashion show, inspired by the boy, of course. they did their fashion runway walks for my camera. it was amazing.
i taught them how to make paper snowflakes, which means that i showed them how to do it myself, and then they complained until i did theirs as well.
when i took them to the zoo they only wanted a snow cone, a merry-go-round ride, cotton candy, a camel ride, to leave because they were tired, and then to stay and see every one of the animals, soda, candy, ice cream, and paddle boat rides...that's it.
and then of course the funny incident with the very male zebra. b. was curious how i was so certain that the zebra was in fact male. and k. stated with certainty that she knew how to tell the difference between males and females. the hooves. :) i was so relieved!

it was a wonderful time, and i'm looking forward to many more to come.

learning to give thanks

i am thankful to live with my parents, it is financially more than affordable and i always have company when i need it and somewhere to go when i need a big hug!

i am thankful for my part-time job that challenges me everyday to be stronger, confident, and a risk taker. it also allows me time to do my own thing. every weekend is at least a 4-day weekend. that's pretty sweet.

i am thankful for my parents generosity in allowing me to borrow their cars when i need to go somewhere. it's difficult to share a vehicle, but i'm grateful they are willing to do this with me.

i am thankful for my singleness. God has given me time to figure some things out and walk a journey that would be difficult to walk in a relationship. i have the space i need to find healing and wholeness, and i'm sure my future husband will also give thanks for this. my singleness has also allowed me the freedom to explore the world and my passions without the worry of not meeting anothers expectations of my time. i will continue to take advantage of this freedom and time until God allows me to share my life with another (who hopefully embraces a passion of serving and exploring right beside me)

i am thankful for arizona and it's beautiful fall/winter weather. i am thankful for the fresh air and warm sun that bronzes my skin. i am thankful that i don't have to deal with seasonal affective disorder in arizona. :)

i am thankful for the process of making new friends. what an opportunity to stretch myself and be challenged to embrace new and wonderful people.

i am thankful for my body and my back. without health problems i may never be aware of the need for good health habits. i embrace ease much too readily to be a healthy person without health issues. God knows me well.

i am thankful for the obstacles i have faced in these recent years. again, without struggles i would be bored and would most likely live a mediocre life. i'm guessing its a requirement of passion to face resistance. how would i know good if i didn't know evil.

see what i've done here...the old switch and flip...

i am thankful for life, the opportunity to see beauty and truth in this world. i am thankful for love and family. i am thankful for blue skies and pink flowers, and those hummingbirds that leave me in awe. i am thankful for my savior who calls me by a new name, who has drawn me out into the dessert and spoken promises of so much more.

every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows - james 1:17

sky rockets in flight, marshmallow delight...

isn't that how the song goes? i can hear it in my head and it sounds right, just like i said.

i wanted to update the world on how awesome i am. i made marshmallows from scratch yesterday, and they're good. now i'll experiment with flavors and such. i'm not really a marshmallow kind of girl so making them was due to the incredible power of persuasion. i had a homemade marshmallow at my friends wedding last friday because it just looked like i needed to put it in my coffee, and it was phenomenal. i haven't really been able to stop thinking about them since, sooo......

sensitive material

in the vein of angst, i have something more to say.....

dear men who are homosexual and are part of my world: you know who you are, and i probably don't. please do not use me as a shield of sorts to protect you from the judgement of society or the church by engaging me in a romantic relationship. i understand that you are not accepted in the church, that you have faced harsh criticism and rejection, judgement and persecution. i understand that there is fear. but this is no excuse for using the lives of another to comfort your own. i hope to never find again that i have been the "stand-in", the one that throws everyone off from what they originally expected. lets not use one another. and please, as truth is expected from each of us, let us have the compassion and love towards one another to speak truth and accept the truth spoken of others. i am just as guilty in other respects, but....i've developed a complex, and it would be a major blow to have to go through this again.

we don't give others the opportunity to truly love us when we live a lie in fear of who we truly are.

tears

i cried at work today, as my finance guy told me that we didn't have the budget to make it to may. i cried. i did my best to blink them all back before they started streaming down my face. i knew it would be uncomfortable, boys always get uncomfortable when women cry, and i didn't want to be that girl. but i was. i think it's the build up of everything. some of my staff are upset with me, they don't like having a boss. heck, i don't like having a boss either, so i understand how it feels to have someone that says, you need to report to me, but goodness, i'm not a bad person, and i'm not being mean...why don't you just like me already!

its difficult for me to see the big picture, to let things go. what i like to do is focus on the smallest painful thing and bury it into the deepest part of my soul where it festers and wounds, deeper and deeper.

control, things are still out of my control. my heart yearns to travel and get out of this corporate mess, but then i'm in it, and it has engaged my passions, and i really want a car and a place to call home already. so i fight the news that my job may end before it's truly even begun....but then i wonder, maybe that's my open door into those other passions of travel and culture and adventure. i don't know the future, i don't know His plans...but i feel confused, torn. so do i buy a car? or maybe i will just continue to save and pay off the last of my student loan. i want to know how to plan for the future, but there are never any guarantees are there.

one day at a time, that's what my brother tells me.

i'm fighting to get all the angst out of my heart
...stay tuned...

shhhhhhhh....

your silence and avoidance speak volumes to my heart
i've met you before, many times actually...
the pursuer of ease
it's funny how attractive you are to me
and then how revolting
passion, words, truth
those are the things that hold beauty in my heart
can someone please show me a man who loves words
a man with the character to work for, fight on behalf of...truth
ease on the surface is appealing, but once you bite down into it
you find it is empty and tasteless.
who values those things that come without effort?
it is the effort of obtaining a thing that gives it a high value
well, the value of this bird is high indeed
and there will be effort, and there must be words
words unprompted, words of truth, words of strength
and these, unyielding