who knew i wasn't the only one? church today was great. i cried tears i've been needing to shed for a few months now. i am in my own struggle with death, craving it. not a physical death, but yearning for death, longing for chains, oppression. i know it's not just me, so when these words sound strange, it's because you're not being honest. hosea's wife, the theme will resound throughout my life. isn't it interesting that adam and eve still were tempted? even with a perfect relationship with God, a physical relationship with God. they were created for one another, had intimacy we can only yearn for...and still, they were tempted. how was all of that not enough?
i want to find my satisfaction in God. life is in my spirit, my soul...and yet there is still space to crave death. the human condition? oh Father, shine light into these dark places, open my ears so i can hear you whisper truth through the lies, hold on to me.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
what is me
how do you remain true to yourself? have you discovered what it is that makes you tick? have you ever tried giving that away? have you ever felt like that thing that was so "you" was what was destroying you, or misleading you? is that possible?
a friend recently drew a picture for me - those things that are my greatest strengths are also my greatest weakness's. i've know this, like forever, but have found myself vilifying my strengths because i've found weakness in them. does that make sense? it's like throwing the baby out with the dirty bath water. you've gotta hold onto the good, and be aware that a balance needs to be found somewhere, or else things may go awry.
i've been told that when a person hits 30 they stop asking the "who am i" questions and start to settle in. i'm hoping that this is true. but that also gives me a good two plus years to keep asking myself and God important questions.
i make concessions...do you? what have you given up? when was there a time when you lived out a life that was untrue? have you discovered your essence? beyond God, if that is even possible to get "beyond God"...which it is not, but besides God, what is it that you were made for? love. intimacy. service? ministry? how have you been called to give?
a friend recently drew a picture for me - those things that are my greatest strengths are also my greatest weakness's. i've know this, like forever, but have found myself vilifying my strengths because i've found weakness in them. does that make sense? it's like throwing the baby out with the dirty bath water. you've gotta hold onto the good, and be aware that a balance needs to be found somewhere, or else things may go awry.
i've been told that when a person hits 30 they stop asking the "who am i" questions and start to settle in. i'm hoping that this is true. but that also gives me a good two plus years to keep asking myself and God important questions.
i make concessions...do you? what have you given up? when was there a time when you lived out a life that was untrue? have you discovered your essence? beyond God, if that is even possible to get "beyond God"...which it is not, but besides God, what is it that you were made for? love. intimacy. service? ministry? how have you been called to give?
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