issues

do not be anxious for anything, but in everything bring your prayers and petitions to god....


i think i have an anxiety problem.


i leave for italia in two days, not even two...maybe one and a half. i am excited, getting more excited as the day approaches and all comes together. thank goodness for my parents who take care of me through it all. sometimes i wonder if it's worse living with them, like somehow i lose all ability to do anything on my own while i have them to lean on. i like being independent, but i am grateful for my parents who are here to talk with me through my anxiety and give me lots of hugs. i think before a big step like this i revert back to little girl megan, the one who just wants to lay on her mom's lap and have her back scratched. i gotta get all the comforts of home before taking off!

i think back to my first year of summer camp, i was too scared, i stayed home at the last minute...i wasn't ready. the next year i went and cried, literally, the entire time. so strange because i was always the strong one - miss independent. but there's something about leaving that stirs a need within me. i feel it even now, a child-like desire to just be held safe. now as an adult i am at that point where i need to practice my security in my father's arms, because he has been holding me safe all along. its a vulnerable thing, this growing up process. exciting and yet very fragile.

so, pray for me, as i head along on my way towards italia. lots of voices in my head that want to keep me in a place of fear of failure and defeat, believing words spoken before, believing that i will be as alone in italia as i was in africa....and i know it isn't true, i know it won't be true, but it's a fight between truth and the lies of the past, the fears of the future. pray that i will choose to rest in the truth of god's love and in the presence of his arms.