2010

i have a car now, name still to be decided, but i'm thinking laurence would be nice. i also have a roommate who isn't my mother :) i moved out at the end of december into a sweet little apartment that boasts of vineyards and luxury living. i can hear the guy who lives behind me loud and clear when we are both in our bedrooms at the same time. that's luxury. ive decided that i will need to make him my secret friend and have conversations with him so that i don't grow in frustration at his low bass vibrations echoing through our thin walls.

my mom says the only thing left for me is a man. i agree. i hear 2010 is the year of men....catchy isn't it? we"ll see!

i made some big resolutions for this year, actually one big one that encompasses many aspects of my life. this year will be a year of practice. specifically the practice of self-discipline. i plan to eat un-officially vegan as much as possible (except for tempting ethnic dishes i cannot refuse that may have small amounts of dairy in them). the vegan idea is not new, and not due to any sort of animal rights activism, but an attempt to see clearly if there will be health benefits that i have desired. my dr. has said no dairy for a while now. the meat...well, i was a vegetarian for much of my teens and into my twenties. my acupuncturist says in order to decrease the pain in my back an anti-inflammatory diet is best. he specifically mentioned sugar and red meat. ugh. the meat thing i'm fine with...but sugar, my love? harsh. i figured cutting dairy from my diet actually cuts most of the sugar involved as well. no more highly sweetened coffee drinks, ice cream, pastries....i'm crying a little right now. i feel renewed already. less weighing me down, giving me heartburn :) how old am i?

it's a commitment, to take care of oneself, to be intentional about eating, about how i treat my body, intentional thoughts, everything that composes who i am inside and out. what would it mean, to give these things up for a year? what would it mean to focus on whole health, if just for one year? it seems like a long time, but compared to many years of complaints of back pain and feeling sick eating certain foods, is it really too much to give for health? it doesn't seem like it. so again, we'll see. all of these pieces of medical advice came at the same time God seemed to be calling me to a more intentional relationship with him. a life of ease can be so attractive at times, and those relationships that take work (all of them) are easier left to mediocrity than to pruning. but, this isn't what i want. my ever constant struggle between freedom and self-control, which in reality is a struggle between bondage and true freedom in submission. it doesn't make sense to write even now, but it does ring truth to my heart.

i think i'm ready to lay myself down.