CHRIST-mas

more of Christ!!!!

i hate that i struggle before i say the words, "merry Christmas". with my new job in the much political arena of health care i walk in fear of offense. and how is it that i fear offending man before my fear of God? Christmas is becoming a phrase rarely used. my Christian friends tell me, "enjoy your holiday"...we've let the world normalize the offense towards God at taking away the credit of the true meaning of Christmas. i am guilty, i know.

last sunday i attended a toby mac concert, which was quite entertaining. strange "dancers" with limited moves "graced" the dance floor while this short white boy rapped his way into the crowd. maybe i am getting old, but the loud music with muted and mushy lyrics wasn't exactly my cup of tea. the highlight of the evening was when the at-first unbearable rocker-girl returned back to the stage and sang o holy night. the words amazed me like i had never heard the song before. these were my favorite lines, "long lay the world in sin and error pining, till he appeared and the soul felt it's worth, a thrill of hope, the weary soul rejoices, for yonder breaks the new and glorious morn"

the soul felt it's worth. i think we do most, if not all of the things we do, to feel worth. we sin to feel that we are better than, or maybe because we are bitter about knowing our sinful position. we chase after people and acceptance and dreams....to feel worth. but the worth of our soul isn't truly felt until we introduce our very selves to to the maker, the baby who was born only to die and prove the worth he believes each of our souls hold. i can't express it as nicely as i would like, but how amazing. a thrill of hope, this weary soul rejoiced when i heard the lines sung, as if to reassure my very heart. i have worth. because Christ gave me worth, because he made me, and loved me enough to rescue me by dying himself, by doing everything that he knew i couldn't do myself.

what i'm learning about God but have not fully grasped yet is that God gives me worth, regardless of what i've done or who i have been, even who i will become. he loves me regardless. there is no need for me to prove anything to him. he was fully knowledgeable about everything inside of me, and still....he loved me...he died for me. he came in the most vulnerable state, he trusted mary, he trusted joseph, he had faith in an unfaithful world, to protect him, to follow after his father...knowing all of it, that he would be mocked, that he would be taunted, that the very souls he loved so dearly and fully would spit in his face, that those very disciples that he allowed to lay in his lap would deny their relationship, and ultimately, that those he loved would kill him brutally, without mercy. and still. he loved.

the very maker cares about my soul. and it swells in the knowledge that it has worth. i pray that this year i would learn to focus my eyes on truth, and his love for me, and allow the other distractions of the world to bow down before him.

thank you Jesus, Lord, my Savior for loving me. for designing me with worth, for intentionally forming me in your image. for the truth that every single thing you created with purpose and worth. teach me how to love those around me the way you do. love. expand my heart to love as it learns how much it is truly loved already. i pray that i will never be ashamed to bring you glory, as it is always due. thank you for your ever-constant gift of yourself, the best gift anyone can give. i love you.