just heard the doorbell ring, a man waiting with a golden smile. "are you alone" the first words said in an almost whisper. i answer in the affirmative and he runs to his car to get something, i run to my cell phone to call 9-1-1 if need be.
he returns to the door with a bouquet in hand. "i think you're beautiful" he says, that golden smile, those dark eyes that have haunted me from the first day.
let me bring you back to the beginning of the story, wednesday. yes. just this last wednesday when i went out to pay the check to the lawn crew as i was instructed. "can you tell me who isaac is?" the dark, dark man led the way silently, i knew he spoke no english. he tapped a man on the shoulder and that man turned around as i held out my hand, isaac. he repeated my name and flashed his golden smile, seemingly pleased that this was the megan he was told about. told about from the owners of the house, told she was the one from whom to expect a check. that kind of told about.
we talked for a while, he was interested in getting to know me better, to hear my history, how long i was going to stay at this house, etc. i grew more and more uncomfortable with his familiarity. as though this was a blind date of some sort, as though there were no boundaries. i cursed my honesty and his questions. why did i tell him i'd be here, all by myself, until the end of july. curses. why did i have to say that?
i told him briefly of africa and he stood amazed, his golden smile flashing as he stated he was going to go there too, making plans in his head before asking me how far it would be to drive. uhm.
he rang the doorbell twice before he left to give me his business card, just in case. you know.
i felt like a snob, but.... why is it that i always feel like a snob in these moments? i also felt scared. he knew too much, his eyes were too dark, was he on drugs? unsafe, unsafe....i need a safe place. protection.
he called after he left but i didn't answer the house phone, it isn't my phone to answer. he just wanted to let me know that he might have left one of the gates unlocked, and reminded me of his number, just in case.
his scent lingers on my tank top from his hug, his awkward excitement filling the doorway. he knew he should have called first before coming and asking me to go eat something with him. and he would have brought roses but they're hard to find he says. next time, next time he'll bring roses. flattery mixed with fear. an odd combination. now why wasn't it a man i felt safe with who was at the door offering me one of my favorite things in the world? was i meant to love that man with the golden smile? golden, literally.
stranger danger, stranger danger. "well, how are you supposed to get to know me then", he asked when i told him i didn't feel comfortable. he said he had kept his fingers crossed as he drove, said that he loved jesus like i did, said that he felt good about himself for coming, regardless of my answer. good for him. really! we need to do those things, conquer those fears, face rejection, pursue what we want from life.
"so do you have a boyfriend?" he asked. "no", i replied. "do you want one?" he questioned. well, what was i to say to that? i lied. "no", i replied, "too much drama". "yeah, sometimes", he said.
all to true, i thought, only sometimes.
he returns to the door with a bouquet in hand. "i think you're beautiful" he says, that golden smile, those dark eyes that have haunted me from the first day.
let me bring you back to the beginning of the story, wednesday. yes. just this last wednesday when i went out to pay the check to the lawn crew as i was instructed. "can you tell me who isaac is?" the dark, dark man led the way silently, i knew he spoke no english. he tapped a man on the shoulder and that man turned around as i held out my hand, isaac. he repeated my name and flashed his golden smile, seemingly pleased that this was the megan he was told about. told about from the owners of the house, told she was the one from whom to expect a check. that kind of told about.
we talked for a while, he was interested in getting to know me better, to hear my history, how long i was going to stay at this house, etc. i grew more and more uncomfortable with his familiarity. as though this was a blind date of some sort, as though there were no boundaries. i cursed my honesty and his questions. why did i tell him i'd be here, all by myself, until the end of july. curses. why did i have to say that?
i told him briefly of africa and he stood amazed, his golden smile flashing as he stated he was going to go there too, making plans in his head before asking me how far it would be to drive. uhm.
he rang the doorbell twice before he left to give me his business card, just in case. you know.
i felt like a snob, but.... why is it that i always feel like a snob in these moments? i also felt scared. he knew too much, his eyes were too dark, was he on drugs? unsafe, unsafe....i need a safe place. protection.
he called after he left but i didn't answer the house phone, it isn't my phone to answer. he just wanted to let me know that he might have left one of the gates unlocked, and reminded me of his number, just in case.
his scent lingers on my tank top from his hug, his awkward excitement filling the doorway. he knew he should have called first before coming and asking me to go eat something with him. and he would have brought roses but they're hard to find he says. next time, next time he'll bring roses. flattery mixed with fear. an odd combination. now why wasn't it a man i felt safe with who was at the door offering me one of my favorite things in the world? was i meant to love that man with the golden smile? golden, literally.
stranger danger, stranger danger. "well, how are you supposed to get to know me then", he asked when i told him i didn't feel comfortable. he said he had kept his fingers crossed as he drove, said that he loved jesus like i did, said that he felt good about himself for coming, regardless of my answer. good for him. really! we need to do those things, conquer those fears, face rejection, pursue what we want from life.
"so do you have a boyfriend?" he asked. "no", i replied. "do you want one?" he questioned. well, what was i to say to that? i lied. "no", i replied, "too much drama". "yeah, sometimes", he said.
all to true, i thought, only sometimes.
1 comment:
Oh dear...just the thing a momma wants to hear...
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