every little thing

it's amazing the way God works, how he changes my life, how he gives those gifts of perfect things that i desire so much. i'm a sucker for adventure, and i'm finding that although i thought i was laying aside adventure to come back to the states, i've found adventure around every small turn.

house/dog sitting has become a regular job for me since i've been home, and during each job i've gotten to experience things that give me stories for life, like the yard man who thought i was beautiful, brought me flowers, and wanted to drive to africa...and then the locking myself out story and the undies. these past few weeks i've spent at hassans house i've been stung by a scorpion twice, in my butt and thumb, had all communications cut off due to unpaid bills, gotten pulled over by the cops because of an unregistered car i was driving, got the experience of driving a sweet honda civic hybrid (which i thoroughly enjoyed), slept with a cat that was more like a baby who needed to sleep with it's head on my chest and purrrrr...great moments, and a great time of silence that i needed, even though i didn't see that right away.

i'm reading this book called "sex and the soul of a woman". i hated it at first. it made me depressed, it pushed my shame buttons, those reminders of what i've done and the mistakes i've made. it said that it was harder for women to get married as they got older because men will always have a limitless supply of younger women - that really got to me - but as i kept reading it has spoken some deep and important messages into my soul. i am meant for so much more than i have allowed myself to believe. this book mentioned the idea of time and patience. oh no, that was in my reading of 2 peter. okay, a little confused with my readings, but they flowed together for me. in 2 peter it speaks to the value of time and patience because God uses time to allow the salvation of the world. let me explain. we all took time to accept God, even as he pursued us, some of us fought him until we couldn't fight any more...but that process of God's wooing took time, and without that time we may not have come into relationship with him. we always want time to go by quickly, we want what we want right away, instead of seeing the value of the time it takes to get those things, the silent times, the lonely times. so i saw the connection between that time and the time that God has given me now in my single world. i want to bask in it, and not rush his plans, because he does have plans, and he knows better than i do what needs to happen before i'll be ready for them. this time is a gift.

a shift in attitude, that's what i've needed for a while now. i've been growing resentful instead of thankful for the time and experiences i'm having. it's all a decision, it's just sometimes easier to be a victim than to cherish the fact that i have my eyes wide open, and i have the ability and freedom to choose for myself what i will allow in my life, and in my heart.