believing

it doesn't bother me so much that you aren't interested in me
it bothers me when you say you're interested and never show it
words are proven by action
to believe in something means to be attached to it
just like faith.
i can only speak it so long, and contradict it so long
until the burden, the chasm, the longing becomes so strong
that i have to make my actions follow my mouth
it actually hurts to be untrue to my convictions, my beliefs
because they become a part of my very self
i am changed, transformed
i am new

so when you say that you love me
and you can't follow it through, this is a problem
because we can only be untrue to ourselves for so long
and then we burst from the friction of it
it isn't possible really, to not let it show.

i don't need your attentions, your temporary affections, your empty words
i don't need your flattery, your battery, your weight
what i need is your truth, something worth believing in
something that you can believe in as well

i am not desperate, not looking for a crutch,
an empty touch
those days are gone and i've tasted and seen
that he is good
as my heart is stirred, it swells with a longing
for the real, not the counterfeit
and so i believe, i hope, i....wait